Generally I'm in love with Japan. I love life here. I love living here as a foreigner. I love the people I meet.
But sometimes... Every now and then... I just get frustrated.
I think holidays show it the worst. The complete hollowness of this country.
There's no life here. Just empty actions by empty people. There's no meaning to anything. Even deeply ingrained religious activities, have no meaning to the people who follow them. It's ok to follow whatever, because there's no meaning.
Just blind following, with no understanding. Apathy and ignorance abound, eating people away from the inside, until only empty shells remain. Then they try to fill themselves with equally empty things, and excuse it by claiming it's "Japanese culture."
I get frustrated with the way Japanese people idolize people like John Lennon and Michael Jackson, but have no understanding of what kind of people they were or the meaning of their lives. I get frustrated with people who live in their comfortable, safe country, complaining about how terrible war is, and then bully someone to death.
I get frustrated with my own lack of understanding. I still spend most of my time guessing about what people are saying, or what is written, or if my answer was understood. I get frustrated with my lack of knowledge or experience of Japanese culture and traditions.
I get frustrated with the lack of ability to think logically. I hate the lack of consequences here. I hate the way they go through the actions of cleaning, without really cleaning anything at all.
I hate the way I react sometimes... Maybe it's the hollowness of the people, resonating with the hollowness of my own broken, sinful heart. It's the loneliest sound ever.
Every now and then.... the frustrations rise to the surface, and all the little irritations join together and have a big ol' party.
Japanese like parties...
I know that some of my frustrations are universal. And I am often frustrated with America. And I know that given enough time, the little irritations will go back to their dark little caves until the next time they feel like coming out and having a party.
But today... I'm frustrated.
Father... Be present in this country. Expose the hollowness, the shallowness and the emptiness. And provide healing and guidance. Father, only You can save. Only You can love. Only You can heal. Be present here. Don't turn your face away. Let your heart break with compassion for these empty people chasing after empty things. Pour out your Spirit upon this land. And Fill it with Yourself.