Monday, July 25, 2011

Cut off at the pass...

"Why is it that nearly every good thing, from taking the annual family vacation to planning a wedding to cultivating a relationship, takes so much work?
It's almost as if there is something set against us." (pg 6)

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. (John 10:10)
"Have you ever wondered why Jesus married those two statements? Did you even know he spoke them at the same time? I mean, he says them in one breath. And he has his reasons. By all means, God intends life for you. But right now that life is opposed. It doesn't just roll in on a tray. There is a thief. He comes to steal and kill and destroy. In other words, yes, the offer is life, but you're going to have to fight for it because there's an Enemy in your life with a different agenda.
"There is something set against us.
"We are at war." (pg 12-13)

"Until we come to terms with war as the context of our days we will not understand life. We will misinterpret 90 percent of what is happening around us and to us. It will be very hard to believe that God's intentions toward us are life abundant; it will be even harder not to feel that somehow we are just blowing it." (pg 17)

- Waking the Dead by John Eldredge

Recently, it feels like every which way I turn, I'm cut off at the pass. No matter what I'm trying to accomplish, something comes up and stands in my way. Migraines that knock me out for a whole day. Exhaustion. All these little things that add up so that I can't accomplish my goals.

I want to meet friends. I get a headache.

I want to see a different friend, I have a conflict.

I want to go home to America, I'm flying standby and right now it looks like all the flights are booked. I wonder how long I'll be hanging around Narita Airport next week...

And it's not just me. It's happening to my roommates too.

And it's so frustrating.

You wonder, "What am I doing wrong?" "Why can't I just make it work?" "Why am I not strong enough?"

I've been reading John Eldridge for a while now, and this is a familiar theme he has. We are at war. Satan doesn't like us, and is going to do everything in his power to keep us from God and from Life.

It makes sense.

But it makes me discouraged too.

I feel like I've been drafted for a war that's never going to end.

I don't want to be a solider. Heck, I didn't even get a boot camp for training! I'm not even sure if I have weapons!

But that doesn't matter. I'm still be shot at. I'm still being attacked.

And I'm still loosing hope.

War sucks.

Fighting sucks.

I'm tired, and discouraged.

And Satan smiles.


I hate loosing. I hate being weak. And I hate being powerless.

But I hate fighting.

Fighting for others I might be able to do. But when it comes to fighting for myself, I don't have a clue.

This month has been long and full of disappointments and frustrations. There have been ups, but all I remember is the downs. I have been blessed, but all I remember is the pain.

Where is the Warrior who fights for the weak and oppressed? Where are the men? I don't want to be a solider. I'm a woman. I want to support, but not fight.

But that's not how battles go.

So I guess it's time to get up again, and find or make a new pass. One that won't be cut off.

Prayers appreciated.

(I'm attempting to fly standby back to America on Sunday (America's Saturday) but I've been told the flights all appear to be booked full. This is the time of year when Japanese travel a lot. I was hoping this year would be easier to get tickets on standby, but I have apparently picked the absolute worse time to try to go back to America. Unfortunately, there are no other options. I would prefer to not spend my summer vacation sitting at the airport waiting for an open flight. I appreciate prayers for my safety and for my summer.)

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