Saturday, March 07, 2009

Leaving something of yourself behind...

Today was the last day of "site training week." This is the week where I "trained" the new teachers that will be taking over my job come April. There have been a lot of changes lately. The biggest one is that starting in April, there will be three missionaries/English Teachers who will be working at my church/school. They will all come on different days and they all live in Tokyo. (I guess I should find it flattering that they need three people to do the job that I did alone. hahaha, just kidding, I'm not that egotistical.)

It's been insanely busy here. I've been going to work early every day this week, meeting with the new teachers, trying to remember everything I need to tell them, and juggle new schedules, help make a new calendar and new fliers for the English School. Trying to figure out what all needs to be done to prepare for the change is a big challenge for me. I'm used to doing most everything myself, and now we have to juggle three people and figure out how things are going to get done now.

I've been under a bit of stress.

But usually the business is good, it keeps me from thinking. But several times this week I've been suddenly hit by the fact that I'm leaving this job. I will be talking, or making plans for next year and I will suddenly stop and realize "These are not my students anymore." I'm so used to planning and such than this is coming as a huge shock to my system. I'm finding that it's much harder letting go than I thought it would be. Several times this week, I've had to fight the feelings of not wanting to let go, not wanting to trust the fate of "my" students to the new teachers, and ultimately God. But I know my time here is finished. And I'm quite aware that God's hands are a much better place for them to be in than in mine. They are not "mine." They are "His." It's good to remember that.

But I find that even in letting go... I'm leaving something of myself behind.

It's hard to move forward sometimes...

Thank you for the times I have had with these students for the past four years. Thank you for giving me the time with them. Please continue to be with them and watch over them. Bless their relationships with the new teachers. And teach me to love and let go without being taken over by jealousy. Your Grace amazes me every day. Thank you for everything.

No comments: