feeling helpless... and grumpy

I guess when you think about it, very few of us are in control of our lives. We control small things, but there is so much that is out of our control.

Living as a foreigner helps make this so clear.

When you are a foreigner, you have less rights than those around you. You are at the mercy of the company you work with. You can't read well, and you don't understand all the legal rights etc you have or don't have.

You are living in a place where you have little control.

Usually I don't notice it, but today was one of those days where things just kinda frustrate me. My roommate's company (my former company) is being a complete pain, and it feels like we are helpless against it.

I feel helpless against my debt that takes a huge chunk out of my not-so-large check (but the working conditions are much better) and stress when I think of how tight money will become when I have to start paying my taxes and health insurance for this year. :-/

The frustration and feelings of helplessness (and probably PMS) leave me quite grumpy.

And I find other things to be not satisfied with, and get grumpier.

And I feel like throwing a tantrum.

God, why are things so frustrating? Why can't life be easier? Why can't you just make my debt go away? Why, why, why?

And I have to stop and remind myself...

Love is patient...

Heck I just wrote that stuff.

and the first day things don't go the way I want, I start pouting like a child. I want, I want I want.

I should change my name to Israel. I'm just about as faithful.

But Love perseveres. And hopes. And is patient.

Even when things are frustrating.

So I have to calm down and accept that God is the God the good days, and the frustrating ones too.


And since I'm not so good at being patient, and even worse at persevering... I'm going to send my grumpy little self to bed early tonight.

And Hope that tomorrow I can Love.