Change is coming. Closer and closer. Yet at the same time, it feels like time is frozen. I'm still doing the same job as before. Nothing has changed yet. But still it comes.
There is preparation to do, yet for most it is still too early.
So I think. I ponder the future. I rebuke the fear. I reflect on the image that my warped mirror shows me, and I wonder. What will happen? What is God doing? Where is He moving? I have no answers yet. But I have realized how important the time of preparation is.
I'm thankful for this time for me to prepare my heart for the next stage of my journey.
I have been teaching and living in Japan for 6 years now. I have done 4 years of work teaching English conversation in a church, and am about to finish my 2nd year of working in Japanese public schools. No certifications, no awards. Just experience. Yet the thing about experience is that it puffs us up.
I know more now than I did when I first came here. I know more about Japan now than when I was only teaching in a church. So sometimes, it's easy to think I know it all. Of course my opinions are right. The way I want to do things is best. I have the best view.
And then I look in my warped mirror again. This time all I see are my faults. Wow. Why was I asked to do this job again? Why did they choose me? Why did I say yes? I might be a decent teacher, but I'm certainly not a good relationship builder. I'm inconsistent. I don't communicate well. I complain a lot. Drag my feet. Hate meetings.
Am I inflated, or deflated? I can't tell.
So this week it occurred to me that I should be seeking God's will, and not my own. I mentioned in my previous post that I was going to pray and fast one day this week for God's guidance. I'm not good at listening to God. I don't have a close relationship like others I know. But I long for it. I long to throw off the chains of "knowledge" that often fill me with pride. I wish to instead be blessed with wisdom, and eyes that see as God does.
I pray that I will continue to be humbled, and that God will bless me with a teachable spirit welcoming the Spirit Who Teaches.