I've been waiting a lot lately. These past two days I've been waiting for this "really strong" typhoon to hit. Everyday the weather forecast is predicting non-stop rain. And the next day comes... little to no rain. I made it to work and home both Thurs and Friday with no rain. I even went out to meet a friend today and no rain.
Then again, I'm happy when my fears don't come to pass. (in case you don't know... I hate rain!)
But it's strange to brace yourself for something, and then just be left hanging...
But in the midst of all this hanging around I've been doing, God has been encouraging and helping me.
For one, I now get the "crutches" effect. People offer to carry things for me, I always get seats on the train now, and random old ladies like to smile at me. I'm getting rather spoiled.
Actually, it's a little embarrassing. I'm used to doing things for myself and trying to not cause problems for others, so it feels like I'm just being this large pain for everyone....
But at the same time it's nice to be spoiled. :-D
One of my recent spoilings was when the grandmother of one of my students decided she was going to drive me home after work on Friday. I was worried a while about the student in question, he's young, just starting school, and seemed to have some trouble expressing himself and just seemed upset a lot. His grandmother seems a little off at times, but I think it's just how she expresses herself. She likes to bring me gifts lately.
On the way home we had a long conversation. During that conversation, God gave me one of those affirmations you always want to hear. It's so easy to get caught up in the idea that your job is meaningless. I mean really, how do you change people's lives with English class? And it's easy to get discouraged. But this woman told me about how much her grandson loves my class, and instead of crying and saying he doesn't want to go, he's telling her to hurry so they won't be late. He's still awkward and has trouble expressing himself, but he has a place where he can be encouraged. And his grandmother is so thankful that he has that place.
It's really good to be told that you have impacted someone's life and that your work matters.
Today I got to meet with the wife of one of the band members. It was really nice to be able to sit and talk with her and get to know her. She brought me gifts from her honeymoon trip to Turkey, and she gave me pictures of the other band members in their suits from when they went to her wedding. (I've always wanted to see them in suits! So great!) I had a lot of fun getting to know her.
But it reminded me that the band's future is still uncertain. The three members are still not all on the same page, and I'm sure this leads to a lot of frustration. They have been "on break" for 6 months now.
I'm still left hanging....
It's easy for me to get frustrated myself when I can't see an end in sight. I need landmarks, or short goals or anything to encourage myself and let myself know there has been progress. I've heard it might be a characteristic of ADD... Even when I'm walking home, the walk is so long, if I don't look ahead and find the next landmark, it's hard for me to continue. I'm always searching for that next mark...
So it's frustrating to feel like you are hanging in place.
I often have to remind myself that God works like this as well. God makes promises, and then waits lifetimes to fulfill them. Sometimes generations. Ages even. But God always keeps His promises.
So I have to calm my anxiety, enjoy the encouragement and wait eagerly for the next "landmark."
I hope I have enough oil in my lamp....