Reflections of Refinement: I'd rather have a healed heart...

Sunday, September 04, 2011

I'd rather have a healed heart...

I've been reading some of my comments lately, and I noticed how many people were concerned about my foot. Actually, most people I meet tell me they hope I get better soon. Most people look at me and say "oh, that looks like it hurts!"

Don't get me wrong. I appreciate people's concern. I have said similar things before myself. It's an easy, genuine thing to say. And I don't doubt that people mean it.

But sometimes...

I feel like it's a symptom of how people can only see the surface. Isn't it sad? How little we know about the people who are around us. How little we can see their circumstances and understand what their lives are like. It makes me sad. It makes me feel very very lonely.

(disclaimer! I am currently under the influence of what I have started calling PMSC - per-menstrual spiritual crisis. It happens monthly I promise. Just ask my poor roommates. That being said, if I am overly negative, my PMSC is 90% to blame... If I'm inspiring on the other hand, that's all me. :-D J/K)

This weekend has been filled with highs and lows, laughter and tears (the tears weren't mine, they were a 1 year old's, but that doesn't mean I haven't felt like crying...) The extremes highlighting the hollowness of my stone heart.

And it dawned on me. I'm happy when people hope my foot get's better soon...

but

I'd rather have a healed heart.

My foot is external. I can function with it the way it is. It might be inconvenient, but life goes on. There are much worse disabilities out there. A whole, healthy body is wonderful, but I'd rather have a whole, healthy heart.

A heart that lives, truly lives. A heart secure in Truth. A heart that can reject lies. A heart that seeks and loves God above all the external things that try to distract it. A heart willing to love and bleed for others. A heart not wrapped in the stones of selfishness.

Is that being unthankful?

Maybe just hormonal?

But right now, that's the cry of my heart.

I wonder if it will ever be whole on this side of heaven...

My God is the God of Miracles and Love, and the God of my heart.

So this is my hope for now. And maybe someday I'll know what real Hope looks like.

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I ask you to PRAY

Finally brothers, pray for us that the message of the Lord may spread rapidly and be honored, just as it was with you.

2 Thessalonians 3:1

Prayers for us and the Japanese people:

That we may

*be given the Spirit of Wisdom and Revelation in the Knowledge of Christ
*have our eyes be enlightened with His presence
*know the Hope of His calling
*understand the greatness of His power toward us
*have our hearts strengthened
*have Christ dwelling in our hearts
*be rooted and grounded in love
*able to comprehend the width and length depth and height of the love of Christ
*be filled with the fullness of Christ
*have love that abounds more and more in knowledge and discernment
*be sincere and without offense until the day of Christ
*be filled with the fruits of righteousness
*be filled with the knowledge of His Will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding
*have a walk worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing Him, being fruitful in every good work, increasing in the knowledge of God
*be strengthened with all Might, according to His power
*have patience and longsuffering with joy and thanksgiving
*be like-minded toward one another so that we may Glorify Christ with one mind and one mouth
*be filled with all joy and peace in believing, so that we may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit
*be enriched in everything so that we come short in no spiritual gift and that we may be blameless in the day of our Lord Jesus Christ
*have what is lacking in our faith perfected
*be made to increase and abound in love to one another and overflow to all
*have our hearts established as blameless before God at the coming of Christ
*be counted worthy of His calling and fulfill all good works He has planned for us
*be glorified in the name of Jesus, and He in us, according to Grace
*be living fully in the love of God and the patience of Christ

(prayer requests taken from the various Apostolic prayers)