So last week I had a breakthrough. Well, more like a sudden fall into a clear space. (see previous post if you are confused.) Either way, it was a good thing. And suddenly I found myself able to pray, REALLY pray for the first time in what seems like ages.
Earnest prayers. I had forgotten what it felt like to pray with passion and conviction from my heart.
Such a blessing.
I prayed the prayer from the last post everyday last week, sometimes more than once a day.
And this week, God answered with some pavement. I prayed for Him to clear the way so that I could meet those I cared about again, and so He did.
I got an e-mail yesterday letting me know that this Saturday the band would come back.
God is awesome.
So just that much information has changed my whole outlook on my week. Before Saturday was a day to remember things that no longer were, a day to wait, and another week gone by. Now Saturday brings joy to my heart, and gives me something to look forward to. Suddenly my week doesn't seem as drab, as routine as before.
So much difference that one piece of information makes.
And it got me thinking. About faith, hope, peace, etc.
What does it all mean?
When I started praying again, I felt a wonderful peace that I hadn't felt for a while. I finally was able to pour out my heart to God, not in fear, but in love. And that brought peace to my heart. But what it didn't bring was hope.
I was able to think about all the possibilities, accept that God may not open the doors for me to see them again, think about what life would be like if that was the outcome... and though I didn't have joy or hope, I had peace. I had God. And He was listening to me. The God Who Hears.
Then my prayer was answered, at least in part.
Suddenly there is joy. Contentment and a feeling of being close to God because He has heard my prayers. And suddenly I'm looking forward eagerly. This is not just another week. There is something at the end of this week! Waiting for me on Saturday. I can already feel the difference in myself, the joy I have while going though this week.
This drastic change made me wonder about things a bit.
Was I not being completely faithful the week before, when I doubted that God would answer my prayers the way I wanted? Or was I just waiting? It's hard to tell.
But I didn't have Hope at that time? But what is Hope? My joy came after I was promised something. When I knew what to look forward to, I had sudden and tangible joy. Is the act of looking forward then Hope? Or is Hope something different?
I know several people who struggle with the meaning of Hope. What are we Hoping for? How does that change our lives? What is True Hope that does not disappoint?
I'm sure my idea of Hope will continue to change and grow as I gain more experience but for now...
I Hope to have the Fullness of Life, both now and in the True Life to come.
And I Hope to find Heaven with no holes, no missing faces, no pieces of my heart absent.
And if I really and truly have Faith in that Hope, this means I should be Loving more people, and giving more pieces of my heart away, so that my Joy in Heaven can be even greater.
Father, strengthen my heart, so I may be blameless and Holy before you on the Day of our Lord Jesus Christ. Father consider me worthy of the Calling You have given me, and do not allow me to be lacking in any spiritual gift, wisdom, knowledge and most especially love. Increase my love to overflowing proportions. Provide what is lacking in my faith, so that I may produce fruit in the work you have given to me. And open my heart to understand how deep and how wide, how long and how high Your Love is. Thank You Father for all You are and all You have given. Your Glory is so great, and yet You would share it with one such as me. Thank You. I can never love You enough. You are my Only Hope. Amen.