of my weekend...

Well, this weekend was nice. Saturday was my first day off in a while, no events, no classes etc. It was really nice. I went to a prayer meeting in the morning and then after I was able to do some homework and stuff. And then I was able to spend the whole evening with the band. I had a good time.

Sunday was church and we had a long meeting, so my Bible Study was canceled. But the meeting seemed to go well. After that was Cell group, but everyone managed to go home at a decent time, so I was able to see the band for a little while Sunday night too. It was good. I am definitely inspired to improve my Japanese now. I want to be able to improve my communication with people who don't speak English.

But Monday was very exciting. I got e-mails all day on my cell phone, had Japanese class, and went to like 3 meetings. There are going to be some changes in the program, so it's an exciting time. It looks like I'll get to help form a Children's Ministry group and I'm excited about that. There is also other exciting news, but that'll have to wait for a while. In any case, it looks like I'll have even more to do next year. I guess this means I really need to grow up more. I need to manage my time better and do more with what I have been given. This is definitely a challenge for a lazy person like me. I'll have to rely on God to help me out a lot on this one.

All in all, I'm very pleased with the Blessings God has given me. I know I don't deserve any of them, but I'm happy that He is allowing me to become a more responsible servant. :-) God is Good, Life is Good. The End.

of ureshi-ness...

(ureshi means happy)

So, I'm really happy right now. Today was a good day. It's nice to spend a day devoted to God. Granted, I'm really busy on Sundays, but somehow it's just really good. I'm so happy to have a wonderful Bible Class that is so eager to learn and who come every week to study Christianity for two hours in a foreign language. God is awesome. And the great thing about teaching this class is that I learn too. Today made me re-examine some of my thoughts about the Sabbath. It's interesting.

But Cell group went well today too. Of course I was a bit of a looser and failed to keep us on track, so we went over a bit, but we had good discussion.

But probably the reason I'm so happy is the final Blessing of the Day. So Cell group is supposed to end at 8:30, and granted one person does go home at that time every time (she has a family to take care of), but the other two like to stay after for some good old Christian fellowship and catching up time. This is good too. Normally, this is the part I look forward to the most. But lately I have been torn. Because the band only plays on Saturdays and Sundays (and the occasional holiday) I have very limited opportunities to see them. So I am often torn between wanting to spend time with my Christian friends, and wanting them to go home so I can spend time with the band. Well, when this all first started, I made a commitment to God. Christian fellowship comes first. I will not skip out early when I can spend good time with Christians to go see them. I will not kick people out of my house early just to see them. So far, I have done this in action, even though not always in complete spirit. But it is what I want. So anyway, tonight was a bit like that, esp since I got to see them for like 3 whole minutes last week, and it snowed yesterday and I couldn't see them. Tonight was a bit cold, so I seriously didn't expect them to be out late. Well, by the time we are finished talking, and everyone's ready to go home, I get to the station at around 11pm. I totally didn't think that they were going to still be there, but I checked the meeting spot anyway, just to make sure. I was so surprised to find a small group still there! It was nice. I had maybe about 20 minutes to hang out with them before they left. And we had good conversations too. I found out, two people wanted to invite me bowling on Friday night, but they had been afraid to e-mail me because they weren't sure of the English. (and I don't think they had my address). That just made me so happy. Because I was thought about outside of the regular meeting time and place. This means I'm closer to forming real friendships with these people. I'm so happy about this. My communication seems to be getting higher (their English and my Japanese both). So anyway, I came home on cloud nine tonight. I can only think that God is blessing my obedience. This has happened at least twice now, that after I spend time with fellow Christians faithfully, then I go to the band, God really blesses my time there. I'm so happy that God is allowing me to do this in my life.

Next Saturday is going to be one of my few days off. So far nothing is planned, so it looks like, if the weather is good, I'll get to spend some good old quality time with them. It's great. So, as they say in Japan... ureshiiiiiii!!!!! :-D (yeah, I know the spell checker's not gonna like that word...)

of eventfulness...

Man, today was eventful. I woke up with it snowing. At first, I thought it wasn't so bad, just a nice little snow. By 4:00, I realized this was a lot of snow. It just kept snowing all day! I would estimate almost half a foot of snow fell today. This ain't your puny West Texas snow ya'll!

Anyway, today I met for the first time to begin a weekly prayer meeting. The first meeting went pretty well, and I'm looking forward to it next week. But a funny thing happened on the way to the prayer meeting. I got carded for the first time. I was surprised. I was waiting for the girl I was meeting at the station. This is the station I am at every week, so it's possible people recognize me (after all, I easily sick out of a crowd here). Well, I wait 5 mins or so. When I first arrived, I noticed two young police officers standing in the area. Well, since I wasn't doing anything wrong, I promptly forgot them. Like I said, I waited for 5 mins or so, and the girl I am meeting comes. We are talking for a min, and then next thing I know, the cops are there, asking us for our passports! Now you have to remember, it's perfectly legal for them to ask any foreigner for their passports or ID. In fact, I'm required to carry my foreign registration card with me at all times. Of course we didn't have passports, but we had our cards. They inspected our cards and then let us go. It was strange. I never expected something like that to happen just out of the blue like that. But I thought it was really funny. I have no clue why they did it. Maybe they were bored. I don't know. It's not like we looked dangerous or anything. LOL. Anyway, that was interesting.

So then we went to the meeting, and after that we had Gingerbread House. Three kids came. Most didn't come because of the snow. It went well. We played a bit in the snow afterwards. Then she went home and I went shopping for shoes. I don't really have any shoes that are good for rain and snow, so I have a new pair of sneakers now. My old ones were a bit too old. I brought them from America, and that was well over a year ago. Time for new shoes. But I found out today, that while my feet are small in America (8, 8 1/2), they are big in Japan. It's almost impossible to find ladies shoes that fit me! How sad! Well, I suppose it's ok. Most shoes here are hideous anyway. LOL. But I now know my shoe size in centimeters.

The sad part of the day: it was snowing so the band didn't play. That makes two weeks in a row I don't get to hang out with them. I'm sad. Oh well. Got some Japanese homework done today instead. Oh FUN!

of my not-day off...

*sigh* Today is my day off, yet I'm up earlier than normal. I've fallen into bad habits again since school started and I'm finding myself staying up later at night. Maybe because I have to fit in all my procrastination etc into a shorter time now. Oh well. Today I have to go to Japanese class. I'm not prepared and I'm tired. But I guess that's my only complaint. I'm just grumpy in the mornings.

But yesterday was cool. Got a new Bible Study student, I hope. And cell went well. Got to spend some time with Bethany afterwards, and then I made it just in time to say goodbye to the groupies. I saw them for like 3 minutes, but really, it made me happy enough to wait until next week. (Sat. I worked, plus it rained, so my only day to see them was Sunday). But the cool thing was I was able to ride the train home with Ai-chan (she is a high schooler) and I had a nice conversation with her all in Japanese. It was a very simple conversation, but we communicated and I'm really excited about that. Ai seems to like me and that's really cool. (I get hugs from her all the time)

Anyway, I need to go, get dressed and get on the train now. I'll probably be late. Oh well. I hate mornings.

of Coming of Age Day...

Well, today is coming of Age day in Japan. This means anyone who turns 20 this year, becomes an adult today. They dress up, the girls in beautiful kimono, and traditionally go to a local shrine for a blessing. So today is a national holiday. Actually, I think this is a great idea. I wish America had something like this to celebrate becoming an adult. (other than getting hammered on your 21st birthday). Anyway, I should get to see some girls in nice kimono today and that's always exciting. The other great news is because it's a holiday, the band is playing today too! Horray. It's nice because I arrived just as they left yesterday.

Yesterday after church I went to visit Bethany. We were pretty close in Orientation because we saw each other all the time and we could talk and stuff together, but since we have started working, we don't get to see each other so often. So yesterday was a nice day to just talk and catch up on each other's lives. So much had happened, so it was nice to get caught up again. So after that, I came back here, and of course it was after like 10:00, so because of the cold, the band went home early again. But what was cool was that 6 people decided to go out since there was still time before last trains, and they invited me. That might be the first time I was invited without Sing being there. I mean, I went Karaoke with two people, but I started that. So that was fun. I was surprised because turns out all the people there spoke at least a little English, so between my Japanese and their English, conversation went pretty smoothly. I learned some new words, and dazzled them all with my knowledge of anime. Turns out the girls knew some of the same anime as me, so that was cool. I think I was also asked out on a date, but it's really hard to tell sometimes. If the guy is there today, I'll have to let him know I can't date non-Christians. I think it's a bad idea for me to date in a group like that anyway. I don't want to jeopardize any friendships I've made by dating. Besides, intercultural dating is a bad idea when I don't even know how to date in my own culture. LOL. But I'll leave the issue up to God. He knows these things better than me.

Today is also my last day of vacation. I go back to work tomorrow. Sad. I like work, but it's always hard going back after a long vacation. Well, anyway, today I need to run to Tokyo and buy some books for Sunday Night Cell that we are going to start using this year. So that means I need to shower and leave soon. I think I've bummed around enough today.

And soon, I'll probably be broke. Holidays take a lot of money, and I think I've gone out a few too many times. Good thing I have oatmeal and maltomeal, otherwise I might not eat for a week. Oh well, I'm sure things will work out fine. Besides, I know it's the choices I make with money that puts me in these situations. Maybe some day I'll learn. LOL. Until then, I'll deal with it.

Ok, I think that's about everything for now. I'm off to begin my day!

of happy vacation...

Wow, this has been a really great vacation. I'm kinda sad to see it end, but I'm really excited about this new year. I don't know if I have ever felt this optimistic about a new year before. Normally I don't care so much. But it's super exciting when you are right in the middle of watching God work. It's such an awesome thing!

So the past few days have been good. Thursday I talked with me friend on the phone for 4 hours. She is not mad at me anymore, so that's a good thing. We cleared up a few things, so now we is both happy. Me loves her and always will, so don't you forget it silly head! ;-)

Also yesterday I was able to meet with my boss. I love my boss. She is such an awesome person. It was great because we were friends before she became my boss, so now I have a really good working relationship with her. So we met and had a nice long chat. The really awesome thing about my boss is that she always challenges me spiritually. It's really refreshing, and often helps me go back to the place I need to be. She really encourages me in my work, and is encouraging me to become a better leader. I am really grateful for her influence in my life. I think I'm learning a lot and becoming a more mature leader.

The cool this is after meeting with my boss, I decided to find a prayer calendar. I have decided I have so many people I should be praying for and I'm not. So I spent like 4 hours at least and 20 bucks on this neat little calendar to help me organize my prayer life. Hopefully I will be able to keep it up and pray for these people everyday. I'm excited by this, because I've totally noticed how much my life and ministry has changed since I made a commit to improve my prayer life.

The good news is today I get to listen to the band play! Horray. I'm excited. I also got to sleep in really late today. It's nice to enjoy a few days just bumming around. :-) Well, the summary: I'm having a great vacation and the best new year ever!

This is from when I visited a co workers class during Christmas. 

Sing being silly and posing.

Kumi outside. This is after the sun rose. We played outside until I left at 10:00 AM

of Kumi...

This is Kumi. She is always with the band. I would classify her as one of the core groupies. She does a lot of work for them and calls Sing "Boss". She is super cute and is one of the people who is really nice to me. She gives me nice hugs. The coat she is wearing is the one I bought her for her birthday. It cost like seven bucks! Don't tell her! :-) 

of Sing and Mako...

Ok, so the guy playing the guitar is Sing, and the guy sitting next to him is Mako. Mako normally plays the drums. This is New Years Eve, after the countdown. We are just chilling and they are giving us some entertainment. 

of my first ever dinner party...

Well, I have just concluded my first ever dinner party. I invited the band and the groupies to come to my house and I fixed them some American Food. (Chicken strips, gravy, mashed potatoes and our family recipe - "slime") It went pretty well. They managed to find my house without too much difficulty. There were a grand total of 11 people who came. The gravy was a big hit. Although I don't know why, but Japanese people keep wanting to call it "white sauce" or "gravy sauce" or something sauce. Oh well. It was really interesting and fun. Sing came, but Mako didn't. But many of my English speaking friends came, and one girl whose name I don't know came. Lets see.

Well, the interesting thing is Sing. He knows I'm Christian and how important it is to me. Apparently he went to a Protestant University and knows a little about Christianity. So it's funny, because tonight he insisted I pray twice. So I taught everyone the common table prayer in English and we said it together. Later, I took everyone to look at the church, and before we left, he had everyone stop and had me pray in English. I was caught off guard, but I did it. It's strange. I don't know if he thinks its a game or not. Japanese people aren't so serious about religion most of the time. Anyway, it's interesting. Esp because of how everyone just does what Sing says. I'm not sure if it's because they are Japanese, or because they just listen to him. But he does seem to be a natural leader, or potential tyrant/dictator.

Then we came back to my house and we played games. I taught them how to play Skipbo and it made me miss Marlo. I remember playing Skipbo with her at her house with her mom and Kay (and Zoomer under the table). All in all, I think it was a pretty good party. Everyone seemed to have fun. It's good that they are able to amuse themselves since I was still cooking for like an hour. Kumi helped me cook and that was nice. Then she and Jun also did all my dishes for me! Wow. That was super nice, esp considering how much I hate dishes. Of course I had already washed all the dishes once today. LOL.

Anyway, I'm happy. My house (well everything but my bed room) looks nice, and everyone was really kind and seemed to have a good time. Sometimes it's hard to tell with Japanese people, because they are polite so much, but they seemed to have a good time (otherwise I don't think 11 of them would have come... I think...). It worked out well, for such a last minute decision. Thanks God! It was a good idea and good timing.

I really love my life here right now. It almost feels like nothing could go wrong. I know this won't last forever, but if I could spend the rest of my life this happy, it would be nice... Of course, I can imagine being just a little bit happier... I hope one day to be able to share my happiness with someone... But for now, I'll leave the arrangements to God. I think He has a better idea than I do about these things.

Anywho, I'm super tired now. I think I'm gonna have to crash. I did quite a bit of work today, I'm surprised. Time to sleep. Goodnight Ya'll!

of procrastination and cleaning...

Well, I really like one and really hate the other. Can we guess which is which? *sigh* Sometimes I just wish I was a naturally clean person. I figure it would make my life up to 30% easier. But that's just not who I am. In fact, being clean and tidy actually stress me out in the long run. I don't know what's so darn hard about putting things away when your done with them, doing the dishes after dinner, or even putting clothes in the laundry hamper. But the ability to do these things on a daily basis just seems to elude me. So that's why I find myself doing "cleaning marathons" every time I want to invite people to my house. I don't know how my house managed to get so cluttered in such a short time (I recently did a major overhaul on the house due to weekend guests at the end of last month, but once again, my house is unpresentable.) I really am hopeless when it comes to housekeeping.

So if you've read the previous posts, you know why I am talking about this. Tomorrow I will have roughly 10 Japanese people over at my house to eat some homecooked American food (chicken strips and gravy, mashed potatoes and broccoli), so I spent today doing shopping, procrastinating and eventually cleaning. I will eventually give up for the night, then spend tomorrow finishing cleaning, cooking and then last minute shoving everything into my bedroom to hide it. *sigh* I'm hopeless. Oh well, I guess it's good for people to see what kind of person I really am. It's sad but true. I need to get my life in order.

Some times I think my life is reflected in my house. If I had discipline, I would put God first and everything would fall into place. Because I can see how much work I still need to do, I know I need to focus so much more on God. But darn, it's so easy to get distracted and procrastinate. I suppose I'll have to fight procrastination my whole life. Somehow that's not a comforting thought. Good news is, God promised to never leave me to face it alone, and He will always be there to pick me up when I fall. It's good to have a God like that backing me up.

So now, in the midst of my sin, I still put my complete trust in God. He will ensure everyone gets fed (and hopefully full and not sick) and will help me get everything done. He's awesome that way. And if it doesn't happen the way I envision it (not that I really have a vision here), He will work His will through my mistakes anyway. It's kinda nice to know no matter how much I screw things up, God can always fix it.

In other thoughts, I had a nice day listening to Klove pretty much all day. I really feel ministered to when I listen to Klove. Thanks Klove. :-)

Of Trash Box Jam...

Hehe, well my last post title wasn't so Original, but this one can be. It's actually the name of the afore mentioned band, Trash Box Jam.

Ok, so lets start with some history here. When I first moved here, I was a little worried about being lonely. The other missionaries lived in Tokyo and quite a bit lived in Takenotsuka, so I was feeling a little left out of things. I was doing well teaching and at church, but most of the people were at least 8 years older than me or more. This is fine and all, but it's a little strange for me. So I started praying that God would provide some friends for me, closer to my own age. I waited for a little while (tried to make friends on my own, but that didn't work so well) and then it happened. God answered my prayer in a way I would have never expected.

So sometime in Sept. I was getting bored at night living in a house by myself. So occasionally I would go on walks for lack of nothing better to do and just needing to get out of my house. Well, pretty much the only places I know is Stellar Town and Omiya station. Well Stellar Town closes down around 8, so that left Omiya station. So I would walk there and back. Talking little over an hour. Well at Omiya station, sometimes musicians perform outside. One night I stopped to watch these two young men playing. I think I had seen them at least once before, because I remember the drummer (yeah, he's cute). So there's one guy on guitar and one guy sitting on a drum and playing it. Well this time when I stopped to watch, (there's a little bit of a crowd) the singer decides to talk to me. In English. In front of everyone. I was embarrassed. Well, that was my introduction to the world of being a groupie.

Their name is Trash Box Jam. (yeah you know that.) The Guitarist is Sing and the Drummer is Mako. Sing is the one who speaks English and writes the songs. The sound is described as guitar pop, whatever that means. But it's nice, I like it.

Well, they play every weekend at the station and they have a following of loyal groupies. I started going whenever I could. (in the beginning I was bored, so it gave me something to do. Now I'm a fan) Several people like practing English with me. Some don't speak any English, so I get to practice my Japanese. With help, we communicate. Japanese people are as a rule, shy, so many of the groupies are just now getting used to me and talking to me. But I consider it a great honor.

So now I'm pretty much an insider. I get to hang out when everyone else leaves and chat longer until the last train when everyone has to go. I have to say, it means so much to me to be accepted into a group like this. I feel so blessed to have their friendships. They are really nice people and the more I learn about them, the more I respect them. So now I am praying for them a lot, hoping to return the Blessings they gave to me some day.

OH, I forgot one detail. It's illegal to sell or play outside the station. So they have this whole system set up to watch for cops. Yeah, this part makes me a little uncomfortable, but I don't help them run away, and I figured if Jesus hung out with prostitutes and the such, well, I can be friends with an illegal band. For now I feel like it's Ok to be there. But I pray a lot to make sure God's OK with it.

Anyway, that's the history behind "the band" and the "groupies" as I call them. I invited them to my house this week, so Wed I will cook dinner for around 10 of them. I'm doing it for two reasons (at least). One, I really want to thank them for how nice they've been to me. And second, I just want an excuse to spend more time with them. So that's what's going on. I have to do a huge house cleaning now though. I have today and tomorrow to make my house presentable. But today is rainy and cold, so it's hard to get motivated to clean, despite knowing moving around will help keep me warm. So I'm blogging instead. Well, at least I'm being somewhat productive. LOL Anyway, I hope it all goes well. And now you know the rest of the story.

Of a New Year...

Yeah, such an original title. What can I say? Good thing I'm not going for the original award. As much as I would like it, I think that this past year has taught me I am not nearly as original as I would like to think. Sad. Anyway. I suppose I should say something profound to reflect the old years passing and the new years coming. Well, I'm fresh out of profound, and the stores won't open again until the 3rd. Besides, I think profound's a bit expensive this time of year. Sorry folks.

Enough of that. I'm not actually a big holiday person. They just don't matter to me so much. But that's ok. I don't hate them or anything. Anyway, lets do a mass update, shall we? Here goes:

November: Well, I had Fall Retreat and then I went to Hong Kong. While the traveling was nice, it did manage to eat up every free weekend I would have had, and effectively killed all my day's off. It wasn't so bad, but by the end of November I was beginning to feel the stress.

Fall Retreat was fun. Every year we have two retreats, where all the missionaries in Japan, (well in my program anyway) get together. We got to get to know the new people and catch up with the old. I was much more comfortable this year than last year. Probably because when I'm not certain of my role, I tend to withdraw into myself until I know where my place is, and what is appropriate for me to do. But my revelation this year is that yes, I am probably an extrovert, but I don't like large groups. I find I get lost in the people and often wind up more alone than not. I think sometimes its more lonely being in a large group than just being by yourself. I mean, when you are by yourself, you can deal with the loneliness and understand why you feel that way. But when you are surrounded by people, and still alone, I don't know, it just hurts so much more. But I am getting way better than I used to. I think I'm finally growing up. Or at least growing closer to God. I think this is the reason for many of the positive things in my life recently.

So then we had the Asia Ablaze! Summit in Hong Kong. I wasn't so excited to go. I didn't really care about going to Hong Kong (although I was kinda excited about a free trip and another stamp in my passport). I was also sick. I had caught a cold at Fall Retreat and it had become a sinus problem. This in turn became an ear problem. Well, I ended up having to go to the hospital to get my ear drum punctured to relieve the pressure so I could fly. Let me tell you, going to a Japanese Hospital, with a hearing problem, alone is hard. But I made it through for the most part. And I went to Hong Kong. The Summit was much better than I had anticipated. There were all the LCMS Missionaries from all over Asia, as well as pastors and church leaders from various countries. I was surprised at how well it was done. We also had some time for sightseeing and stuff in Hong Kong. We had thanksgiving Dinner in Hong Kong. But the worst part was the busses. The roads were horribly twisty and turny (Hong Kong is build pretty much on a mountain). Well thirty minutes or more each trip in buses on these roads took a toll on my poor stomach. I was sick twice, once I didn't make it off the bus. But all in all, it was a good experience. But I have no desire to go back to Hong Kong. Although, I was excited to eat a Burger King hamburger and I was able to order it plain with no trouble at the airport. There is no Burger King in Japan. There are a ton of McDonald's and some Wendy's, but no Burger King.

I'm also pretty sure November is when I found out about Cold Stone Creamery coming to Japan. I went with Hiroki to get some. Yeah, ice cream in winter is strange, but we stood in line for a while to get some. Horray for Cold Stone!

Let's see. I think that's most of the interesting stuff from November.

December: Well, I started preparing my classes for Christmas. That was fun. We made snowflakes in my kids classes and hung them from the ceiling. People seem to like this. Then we had the traditional year end parties. I got lots of free food. I like free food. Christmas was good. I spent almost the whole time with people. Christmas Eve I was invited to a student's house for lunch then we went to Candlelight service together. Then Tami and I took some old blankets of hers and some boots to give to homeless people down at the station. I'm sure the men were very surprised to see these two gaijin giving away things. But they seemed very appreciative. Then we ate ramen together. After that, I went grocery shopping and then I baked until like 3 in the morning. Next day was church, and a pot luck. I had cooked garlic cheese mashed potatoes the night before while baking. It was a big hit. Then I chatted online for a little while, then I went Karaoke with two Japanese friends. That was fun. Then we went to watch the band play. (more on the band next post) The sad thing was they only got to play like two songs the whole night. The police came and ended up catching two of the groupies. They talked to them for like an hour. So after that, we ended up hanging out in McDonald's. That was much warmer than standing outside. I had baked cookies for them and bought some booklets in Japanese about the Christmas story and given them out. The cookies seemed to go over well. All in all, it was a good Christmas. I was very thankful for the blessings God had given me.

Then was New Years. I basically hung out with the Band for 11 hours straight. We started at like 10:45 and they played a while, then we had a count down and a toast. Then we went inside the station and talked and they played a few more songs quietly. We did that until 4 or 5 when we went as a group to the shrine. (around 12 or 15 people I think). It was nice. I got to walk Japanese girl style, with girls holding my hands and my arms for a while. It made me feel very accepted. I watched them do their thing at the shrine and took some pictures. We wandered around the vendors for a while (yeah, there were vendors at that late at night) then we went back to the station. They decided they wanted to watch the sun rise, but it was cloudy and the buildings were closed. So we found this abandoned field and played around there for about 4 hours. It turned out Mako had some balls and frisbees in his car, so we played with those. I had a fun game of three on three soccer and then joined in a Frisbee throwing contest. Sing is really good at Frisbee. It was really nice. Then I had to leave about 10 til 10 to go to church. I went to church and then straight to bed. I then slept for about 22 hours. LOL. So here I am today, typing, cold and thinking about needing to clean my house.

Last year was a good year. I'd venture to say one of the best years of my life. I wish I had written more things down to remember it all, but that's the way it works with me. I'm really lucky I wrote down the things I did.

Oh yeah. Some more news. There is now a Cell group meeting at my house every week and I'm the leader. (Cell group is like small group meetings with an emphasis on outreach). Right now there are three other women who come regularly. I'm looking for more Christians to join so I can invite more non-Christians. It's kinda difficult though. Well, I'll pray about it and leave it to God.

Ok, this post is super long and I think I've covered most things. If I left something out, or if you are confused, just leave a comment and I'll try to clarify. Happy New Year!